Letting go does not happen all at once. People say: let it go, let it go. Oh, okay, that’s done now, then. I feel better. I’m cured. That’s not how it works. For some, there is an unreasonable expectation that that is how it happens, if only to provide convenience, a good time, an easy co-existence. For others, there is appreciation of the wave-like process that is grief. Grief isn’t just a thing that we go through when somebody dies. It is grief for time lost. It is grief for the relationship that you put everything into and put your
Category: Real Life
Fair advocacy for only one member in my relationship led to unfair treatment of me. That’s a fair and honest statement. People demanded proof, insisted on first-hand demonstrations that not only could I do the things I said I could, but that my struggle was exactly as I said it was. If it looked any different than the expectation, it raised questions. If there were fluctuations, it raised yet more questions. The extent of it was violating, and yet, several people became so caught up in fair advocacy that they overlooked the fairness of their own methods, and somehow, there
Until recent years, my heart was mostly on my sleeve. When it breaks, it’s harder to keep it there. It’s difficult to stay open and vulnerable. When I think about the times I’ve tried to make myself less vulnerable right in the midst of it, I remember dismissing my tears, trying to cover up the depth of my emotions with an intentionally petty thing. For instance, while grieving, someone walks in on me crying and I’d think quietly, ‘oh, I spilt some milk. No use crying over spilt milk, they say.’ And sometimes, I’d say it aloud, and it might
What’s normal? What is typical, when so many of us hide who we are and therefore hide so much of the human condition itself? Normal has always been challenged but the perception of normal is now rapidly changing whether people like it or agree with it—or not. There is a difference between someone who identifies as autistic and someone who is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (previously known as Asperger’s). Autism, ADHD, and several other ‘invisible’ struggles present differently in women. Recent and more inclusive research supports the reality. It isn’t just my reality, it’s the reality of many people.
One of my favourite photos in April of this year (2026) is an impromptu selfie as we waited on time between activities. It’s a favourite because there is significance in that moment that goes beyond ‘mother and child together’; for me, it captures something that society tells us we ought to hide beneath a brave face. My cheeky, feral child, arms swung around my neck in affection and love and pure need for connection. It’s beautiful. But no one mentions the weight of it. It’s there—in the strained smile only a best friend might detect, the unplucked eyebrows, the internal
There is pressure from people: some who want me to prove myself for its own sake and some who want me to prove something to them. Overall, my feelings and thoughts about it are quite level: it’s simple enough—I know my capabilities and I know my limits and I’m aware how they fluctuate. Trying to articulate that has been my focus for a long while and fiction writing has taken a backseat because of that. There isn’t any method or rig-up involved only that I feel more creative when I’m either relaxed or focused. Both together is great but that
The benefits of reflection are sometimes overlooked. In overlooking these benefits, opinion of self-reflection can lean into mockery of it. I have relearned how to ignore most of this mockery and I journal anyway; the benefits outweigh disdain, and in more recent years, I’ve found a bridge to journalling: voice memos. Those who have used old-school dictation devices might roll their eyes in unison at my newcomer status to such a helpful tool. I think the reason I use voice memos as often as I do now is so I can clarify my process: I can more easily outline what
It strikes me that some of what is radicalism is actually a counter to initial radical reform. It’s reoccurring as conservatives fear how liberal the world is becoming. People seem to fear chaos because chaos strips control. Liberalism seems to be equated with chaos. So is art. Art is self expression. Liberalism offers freedom to express. People are favouring labels outside of traditionally available boxes. Some refuse to be labelled at all. Social media gives most of us a platform to express ourselves. What goes ‘viral’ provides an interesting insight into exposure and what is currently prevailing, whether as a
Or… Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way These are affirmations toward authenticity. I don’t know if there is an arrival point, only that I’m making progress, and I’m truer to myself. The struggle to stay true to myself is ongoing. Maybe there are those of us who find this easy; for those who don’t, maybe there’s something here that will resonate. 1. My standards are as valid as those of others. 2. Feeling the intensity of chronic pain in its entirety; associating even the smallest of individually positive moments of life with something safe that allows a
Far smarter people than I have probably explored this topic far more eloquently and in broader ways than I ever could, so I shouldn’t really belabour myself with the task of defending creativity, and yet, I’ll say this: creativity shouldn’t be squashed for the sake of sanity because it lends itself to sanity. Fear might deter some. That fear has deterred people in my life, and those people went on to deter me from being creative. Fear says creativity encourages madness. Fear says creativity causes chaos, disrupts structure. I think creativity gives chaos form. Creativity examines chaos, gives it