Until recent years, my heart was mostly on my sleeve. When it breaks, it’s harder to keep it there. It’s difficult to stay open and vulnerable. When I think about the times I’ve tried to make myself less vulnerable right in the midst of it, I remember dismissing my tears, trying to cover up the depth of my emotions with an intentionally petty thing. For instance, while grieving, someone walks in on me crying and I’d think quietly, ‘oh, I spilt some milk. No use crying over spilt milk, they say.’ And sometimes, I’d say it aloud, and it might
Tag: trauma recovery
What’s normal? What is typical, when so many of us hide who we are and therefore hide so much of the human condition itself? Normal has always been challenged but the perception of normal is now rapidly changing whether people like it or agree with it—or not. There is a difference between someone who identifies as autistic and someone who is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (previously known as Asperger’s). Autism, ADHD, and several other ‘invisible’ struggles present differently in women. Recent and more inclusive research supports the reality. It isn’t just my reality, it’s the reality of many people.
The benefits of reflection are sometimes overlooked. In overlooking these benefits, opinion of self-reflection can lean into mockery of it. I have relearned how to ignore most of this mockery and I journal anyway; the benefits outweigh disdain, and in more recent years, I’ve found a bridge to journalling: voice memos. Those who have used old-school dictation devices might roll their eyes in unison at my newcomer status to such a helpful tool. I think the reason I use voice memos as often as I do now is so I can clarify my process: I can more easily outline what