Haters hate. Let’s not confuse it, but is there truth within hatred? And how do we protect ourselves if there is?
I read a quote online this morning which comes from a book by Jessica Ceincin Hendriquez: ‘You will continue to be the victim unless you recast all the villains as teachers.’
This is a powerful and valid statement, and yet I agree only in part, and it spurred the thoughts I’m about to share here and reminded me of a sketch I made months ago for one of my works in progress, Personified. I’ll share the draft below, and update it when it’s finalised for more context, but until then, the post here outline my thoughts on this well enough.
To view our experience with hatred as lessons would be to understand that it teaches compassion, patience, understanding, while recognising that there is not always enough capacity in those of us who try to deal with hate in this way.
It is the incapacity or depletion of these things over time, over prolonged exposure to hatred that causes a person to become hateful. Hate is a contagion that cannot be resolved with compassion and empathy in others if those who are hateful don’t make a conscious choice to keep it contained where we can until it can be processed.
Those who dish out more will spread more and those who dish out in retaliatory defence or advocacy spread just as much as those who cannot maintain self-control.
Those who dish out more while in control of themselves, who do so to antagonise or prove a point without considering the consequences, without being directly involved, or who rig situations to enable this type of antagonistic behaviour where context is too easily lost, and reaction is all that is sought for personal gain, are those who might harbour hatred which outweigh basic moral principles.
To recast these people as teachers can make us vulnerable to the falsities which come with their hatred. I understand the need to reframe some of our experiences to renounce victimhood and reclaim ourselves, and obviously, I’ve attempted to reframe the very same for these reasons, but I’m wary of giving such a label to those who have harmed and continue to do so. It is my belief that it enables negative egotistical progression along the same track which led to harm in the first place. There are safer means of validation, and as a victim of this type of harm, former or otherwise, I can accept truth from them (if it exists) without subjecting myself to the notion that they have acted from a place of compassion and responsibility, as a teacher might (or at the very least, should).
Haters hate. We shouldn’t confuse ourselves about it, even as we try to make sense of it and make peace within it. We should also not confuse hatred with dislike, disgust, or discomfort. They’re not the same things, but hatred can dress itself finely and can fool any of us. When it shows up, let’s call it by its name, but I’d be wary in/of letting someone else name (or reframe) such a thing for you.
