Someone might resent me for a lot of reasons, not least of which would be resentment of difference. One of those differences might be that I’m not working according to their expectations. Another might be that I’m not conforming to traditions according to their expectations or ideals. When considering how tradition is built on successful conditioning and how each of us feel obligated to police one another to stay in line, it makes sense that any of us who veer too far away from the perceived norm is going to draw attention.

It’s interesting that the attention which lasts longest was also the first. Others have shown interest and participated most scandalously in some instances, and moved on.

Those who are left seem drawn to undermine anything that diverges from the conditioning they still feel confined to. Their resentment leaks into my life as though my struggle doesn’t matter because their struggle comes with the added labour of a paid job. They’re slaves to the mentality that each of us must be the same, that struggle should look the same or it doesn’t count, that every experience must affect us in the same way, and therefore, if they can endure, so must I, and if I cannot do what they do, I must be worth less, and if they can do more, endure more, be more, they must be better than I am. It’s fascinating that the same mentality that seeks sameness in a claim as Equality’s lofty heights, seems fine with differentiation if they come out on top.

It seems to me that this mentality comes from resentment borne of deprivation, lack of control, and helplessness. I’m not a stranger to any of these things, but ask anyone who knows me on what they’d deem a ‘personal’ level, and they’d tell you they had it worse.

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